63. Inspiration in the face of defeat.

I don't want to delve to much into it tonight, but--the way things stand right now--there's a very real possibility that the documentary project I've devoted the last two years of my life to is coming to an end.

And not in a very satisfying manner, to say the least.

It's caused all sorts of negative feelings to surface: anger, fear, frustration, resentment, defiance. But, above all, heartbreaking sadness.

The truth is, if this does indeed go down, I have no idea what I'm going to do next. Not that that's a bad thing--perhaps a good exercise in reaffirming my faith in God's providence is exactly what I need at this point. But it's certainly going to make it a lot more difficult to respond to that already-tough question for me (in particular) to answer: "So, what do you do?"

But in the midst of all this, I had several encouraging conversations with friends last week, conversations that seemed like glimpses of very real opportunities to possibly pursue.

One such conversation was with my friend Jon. We chatted for over an hour last Wednesday, and while I won't get into the details of our conversation, I will say this: for the first time, some of the crazy business ideas that have been floating around in my head these past few years--which include (but are not limited to): web start-up companies, non-profit educational organizations, furniture concepts, novelty restaurants--don't seem to be so unreasonable or crazy after all. And in the case of some of these ideas, the starting point--an ever-elusive concept for me--doesn't seem quite so unattainable anymore.

That's not to say that this sense of inspiration does away with all the aforementioned feelings of despair and defeat. But it is giving me something to possibly look forward to--a small ray of sunlight peaking out through the dark clouds of calamity and confusion that currently shroud my thoughts and vision, if you will.