62. A chance to play music again.

I'm slowly starting to play the role of "musician" again, after a very long hiatus.

It was one of the main reasons I moved to NYC: to lead worship for my church there (along with starting up a "contemporary" evening worship service*). But in my spare time, I'd play gigs around the city with my band, and spend time writing and recording songs (most of which aren't very good, but still).

Then I felt called to move to Iraq and teach.

I brought my guitar, and surprisingly enough, got the chance to play for people fairly often. I became the de facto worship leader for our small "church" services (in which many of the city's international aid/missions workers communed for weekly fellowship), played for a larger Easter service that was done mostly in Kurdish (a surreal moment, that), and taught and played music for the 4th, 5th and 6th grades at our school.

I planned to return the following fall and run the school's entire music program. So I left my guitar in Iraq while I traipsed around Europe and then returned home for the summer.

Problem was, I didn't go back that fall. It wasn't in the cards, apparently.

I moved back to NYC that fall, and while there, managed to record some songs with borrowed instruments, including one of my favorite personal recordings, a cover version of R.E.M.'s "Driver 8," that can still be found on my way-defunct music myspace page. But as soon as it seemed like I might try to pursue music in NYC again, I once again preempted myself by moving to LA.

I was in LA for nearly a year before I finally returned to Iraq, and subsequently brought my guitar back.

The guitar, sadly, has been sitting in the corner for much of the year hence.

Last summer, though, I got a renewed taste of performing. My friend David leads an improv workshop for his church, and invited me to come play music for the musical improv segments of a show they were performing on the Fourth of July. It was a blast--partly because of the challenge presented by doing improv--and the group, I'm glad to say, was pleased with my work.

I've since been asked to come back and do musical improv with David's group a couple times, including last Wednesday night. I've also started collaborating with Jonathan, who's working on a musical about time travel. Recently I've been playing both my guitar and my piano (fine, Casio) with a lot more regularity.

I gotta tell you: it feels really nice.

I don't know if music is in the cards for me. Truth be told, I don't know what is in the cards for me; I feel incredibly lost and confused at this moment, unsure of where to focus my creative energies. But. I had an epiphany a few weeks ago in which I realized I should actually give music a shot while I'm in LA. I realized that I haven't fully pursued it as a creative outlet because I've been held back by crippling fear.

So I figure: give it a shot, right? What do I have to lose?

I love music; I love listening to it, writing it, playing it, recording it, discussing it, and just having it as a major element of my life. And the chance to play, write, and perform--even if in limited doses--has done my heart some real good as of late.



*I hate the term "contemporary worship service." But it was basically a low-key worship service featuring a full-on rock band. So...what else would you call it? Incidentally, one of the things I love about my church here in LA is that the worship sets feature many of the songs that we used to play for our worship service, and that, too, does my heart some real good.)