25. An Open Letter to Kohl.

Dear Kohl,

You wouldn't know me from Adam, but I just wanted to drop you a quick line to say, "Nicely done on that store of yours."

See, although I was born and raised in rural Nevada--which means Wal-Mart, Target, and JCPenney's loomed quite large in the retail experience of my formative years--I've since, sadly, become a bit of an urbanite snob.

Oh sure, I still drop by the local Target* or Best Buy now and then, but I do so with an air of haughty disdain, as though I have debased myself by mixing with the bourgeoisie suburbanites of LA County ("There's no way this store could possibly carry the new Bodies of Water album; no one who shops here would have the faintest clue as to who they are," or so goes the arrogant line of thinking when I peruse these stores for music).

And when it comes to clothing, I'd much rather go to the independent boutiques...or, failing that, stores like H&M that, at the very least, have the veneer of haute couture.

So you can imagine how I felt in the two or three instances when I dropped in to one of your stores. Until today, that is.

I walked in with my family--having literally just dismissed the store as a "poor man's Target,"--and found myself immediately drawn in to a rather sizable and (to my pleasant surprise) decent men's section. When it was all said and done, I'd picked out a hat, some jeans, and a diamond-print** sweater (2009 is apparently going to be the year my style either goes really geek-chic or goes waaaaaay retro, like back to the 40's--I haven't really decided which yet). That, and I almost picked up a great USC t-shirt...but the price wasn't to my liking, even with the Black Friday II sale pricing.

All that to say: Kohl, it's a long way from Fifth Avenue, but I gotta tell you, I like the cut of your store's jib.


Sincerely,

A Slightly-Reformed Shopper

P.S. Is Kohl your first name or your last name? I didn't really take the time to figure it out beforehand, so I just blindly assumed it was the former. I'll feel slightly stupid if it actually is the latter--if that is indeed the case, feel free to add a "Mr." to the several times I address you in this letter. I may be a retail snob, but I do have some manners.

*This is actually a little bit of a white lie. I quite love Target, actually, and don't mind a stroll through Best Buy now and then. I was just using a little--what's that called? Oh, right--artistic license.

**I've also been informed that the kids apparently call this "argyle."